There was happiness because of you.

I know I will try my hardest to find someone like you, but there is no replacing you.

I love all your idiosyncrasies, and I miss them dearly. I love the way you wear your cowboy boots with your buttoned-up shirt. I love your smile and the way it lightens up my day. I love the way you take up space in my mind and the euphoria that comes with thinking about you. I love your passion and care for animals because you are the best veterinarian I know. I love that you are obsessed with reptiles even though I am terrified but will observe from afar. I love that we talk every day because I am happy that I get to hear about how your day went. I love holding your hand in the car as we drive across the country road and you squeeze my hand to reassure me that you’re still here next to me. I love that you gave me a chance to be part of your life again.

I hate that I miss you because it hurts to remember the good times. I hate that you left me without saying goodbye that very first time. I hate that I could not stop thinking about you even after two years of silence. I hate that we have so little time together even though I just got you back into my life. I hate that I am sad because I have to see you leave. I hate that I have to say goodbye once more. I hate that I might never get to wake up beside you again.

Now I know I am never going to love the same again.

—

There was happiness because of you. And there will be happiness after me.

I miss you, cowboy.