You Left Me There

Do you ever get the feeling that you can’t move on and feel stuck in place once the person you were with is gone? It is as if they left you no choice but to stay there forever.

I sit there and watch as the man I was once with is living his life with someone else. I watch the days go by and see the joy in others while I stay frozen with dust collecting on my shoulders. I haunt this place for an eternity as I wait for a glimmer of hope. Perhaps someday I will have that too. Time goes on for everyone else, and I am but a sad sight. People expect me to find some new perspective, but I am still here gazing aimlessly.

I get too obsessive, and I love too hard. I always overthink, and I feel too needy. These are some of the things I detest about myself. Maybe it is because I think I am never enough. The crippling fear of desertion has a crushing grip around my chest. It feels so good to be needed, but it cuts deep to be neglected. Each revolution of this vicious cycle further chips away at this delicate man. All I am now is this forsaken mess that you made me.

Silence fills this void as I feel the moment stops. It is so quiet that only the reverberation of misery drops. You move on without ever knowing the damage that you left behind. You assume that I am fine, but you will never know that feeling. I will never say that I need you because all that is waiting is regret. If it is all in my head, then tell me now so that I am not just another tragedy. Time stands still, and I stay here living in delusion, remembering when I was the one you still wanted. What am I now? I am forever 22 living in my fantasy, wasting my life being unaware of all the love that is still there. I gave it all I got, and you gave me nothing at all.

In the end, I walk home all alone. I sit by myself once more in this quiet room. Perhaps, having nothing is better sometimes. I fall asleep, hoping to dream of some epiphany. All that I am asking is for a little clarity because that is all I really needed. I will pick up all my pieces and choose to walk away tonight. There is nothing else left to do, and it is time to go.