In the 25th Hour
My last moments with J*** have come to an end. Of course, I knew this day was coming, but it felt surreal when I was face to face with the moment that marks the end of great love. In that 25th hour, I kissed and embraced him for the last time. I wish I could make that hour last for eternity because then there would be no reason to cry or say goodbye.
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[09:00/ 09.09.21] In the 1st hour, we greeted each other with our daily good mornings. He had said he was excited to see me because we made plans for this final day together. I was happy to see him too, and I was filled with anticipation and counting down the minutes until I could see him. Yet, I could not help but dread the rise of the following day. I wanted our last moments to be memorable, and I was determined to make that happen.
[16:00/ 09.09.21] In the 7th hour, I met him at the movie theaters. We had decided to watch Shang Chi because we are both marvel fanatics. We had seen Black Widow together in theaters, so it only made sense that we continued that tradition together. With serendipity, we arrived at the theaters at the same time. Only he had not seen me, and I hugged him from behind. And naturally, he screamed and freaked out, but we laughed about it as we walked into the theater.
[19:00/ 09.09.21] In the 10th hour, we headed to our next destination. We went to Blind Barber for drinks and his friend “K” and boyfriend “T” had joined us as well. We had a blast, and I was so happy to see him so lively talking to K. It was their last moment too, and they had to say their goodbyes. Throughout it all, J*** held my hand to assure me that he was still there with me, and I could not help but smile. Three drinks in, we had finished our time at the speakeasy. We departed from K and T and headed to our dinner reservation.
[21:00/ 09.09.21] In the 12th hour, we had sat down at Royal Boucherie. We had ordered another drink and decided that burgers were the right choice for us both. So we feasted and chatted through the night. In his slightly drunken state, J*** kissed me on the cheeks and had complimented me. This was more affectionate than his usual self, and I was a bit surprised. Naturally, I had to tease him about it, but I found it very endearing and charming. Then, of course, I kissed him back because I had to let him know that I, too, feel the same about him.
[23:00/ 09.09.21] In the 14th hour, we headed back to his home and decided that it was time for the both of us to head to bed. This was to be the last time I would sleep next to him. We embraced each other throughout the night. He had wrapped his arms around me throughout the night, and I had done the same. I never wanted to let go because I felt so safe when his arms were around my body. I cannot help but take it all in for the last time with his warmth and his scent.
[08:00/ 09.10.21] In the 23rd hour, we woke up and had coitus for the last time. We stayed in bed, and I laid my head on his chest, hoping that someday I could wake up next to him again. We did not say much, but we both knew this was it.
[09:00/ 09.10.21] In the 24th hour, we sat on his couch and watched “What If?” on his laptop. I placed my arm around his shoulders, and he placed his hand on my thigh. This would be the last thing we would watch together.
[10:00/ 09.10.21] In the 25th hour, J*** drove me home. The moment the car stopped, I knew this was it, the goodbye that I was dreading to say. He stopped his car and we kissed all the while I was holding back the flood of tears. We hugged and held each other close. This was it, our last moment together in the 25th hour.
It has been a while since I gave an update on life. A lot has happened within these past few months. I have stopped writing because 1) I have been lazy at writing, and I did not want to share any personal anecdotes as they were unfolding. 2) So much has happened, and so many changes came about in which I did not know how to articulate in writing. 3) For a moment in my life, I was happy to be present around the people I love, and I needed to disconnect from writing to do so.