24

I am turning 24 today, and here are a few things I have learned along the way.

It’s okay to feel lost, and it’s normal to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you’re 23. It’s also okay to be anxious and depressed. Reality is harsh, and growing up, I was told to internalize all my feelings. But my god, crying feels so good sometimes. To let all that bottled up sadness, rage, confusion, and hopelessness out is euphoric.

I shouldn’t run from my problems. Taking a well-deserved break is not the same as defeat. Sometimes I just need to leave my immediate environment to understand what life really means. As the routines pass each day, I have become more myopic. I had no foresight on what my future was like. I get so stuck in my head sometimes that I forget I have friends and family. They are the ones that can help me at times when I feel hopeless. Treasure those friends and never be afraid to reach out to mom & dad.

Seeking help for my depression and anxiety is neither a weakness nor a strength. It’s simply something I had to address. I didn’t feel shame when I finally got the help I needed; I felt relieved. The air no longer feels heavy, and I didn’t have to take deep breaths at every turn. For the first time in a long while, I saw hope and felt levity in life. It’s an ongoing journey, at least I’m trying.

Learning to say goodbye has never been my strong suit. I hate when good things come to an end. When you encounter someone great, enjoy those little moments in life. When it comes time to say goodbye, leave with a smile because you have made wonderful memories. Be open to the possibilities in life. It’s easy to put up a wall against the world. But by doing so, you can miss out on all the good that the world has to offer. I am glad to have met this great man. I am sure we will meet again someday.

Finding out what works and doesn’t in a relationship is part of the process. I couldn’t see why I felt unhappy for a while, but I understand now that the relationship had ran its course. I can see now what I needed and what I didn’t. It was not up to me to fix someone else. I can only do my part to support my partner. And when all was said and done, we simply were not compatible. I have come to terms with the outcome, and I am grateful for the experience. I wish him nothing but love and happiness. I will take those lessons and become a better version of myself.

Remember and treasure those moments of laughter. Social media is great, but don’t let that consume your present. Live with your own eyes instead of the lens on your phone. Pictures are important souvenirs, but the emotions encapsulated in those little moments of life is inside you. I need to find a better balance between living in the moment and storing those moments on my phone. The attention is like a drug; though I crave it, I must resist the addiction.

Though I am a bit older and slightly wiser, I have so much more to discover. I can only hope to spend my days happy in life and find joy in the little moments. I want to continue making others smile in hopes of alleviating my own melancholy. To love someone, you must have the ability to let them go. Though I am still learning, I hope to better cope with life changes. But this is me trying.