So You Want to Talk About Race?
I got really inspired to talk about race after reading, ‘So you want to talk about race’ by Ijeoma Oluo. This conversation is a work in progress, and I’m continually learning how to talk about it. Whether you are white, people of color, or underrepresented minorities, I think it’s important to talk about our own unconscious biases and racism. I know this is a massive topic, and I am by no means an expert. I can only speak out based on my own experience, growing up as an Asian American.
I often have this internal monologue trying to define where I belong in the spectrum of race. If we are purely talking about skin color, I guess I’m assigned the color of yellow. I always thought this system of the color assignment was laughable. Why are Americans so obsessed with assigning skin color? I mean, I like The Simpsons, but I certainly don’t look like them. My assigned skin color has become such an ingrained part of my identity growing up. You’re probably thinking, what kind of perks do you get with the yellow skin color? Well, for one, your “ethnic-sounding” name will be pronounced wrong and ridiculed 90% of the time. Let me give you a personal example. My name is Tyler Ling, seems straight forward, right? When people pronounce my first name, there is no problem. Tyler is a white-sounding name, so it tends to resonate well with the general audience. The question of my name mainly comes from my last name, “Ling.” It’s a simple yet such a problematic name for many who wants to know my name. In Chinese, it is written as “凌,” which I know looks complicated, but it’s phonetically pronounced “Ling.” No, there isn’t any special meaning behind the word, it just happens to be my name. People think they’re so clever when they call me “ling ling” or “ling long.” Am I suppose to be impressed with the same stereotypical name-calling that I’ve heard since elementary school? For any troglodytes out there that think they deserve an accolade for such uncreative micro-aggression, please know that your sentiments hold no credence to me or any of your victims. From experience, I think it’s often those who come from a place of privilege and/ or those struggling with their own identity in the society that tends to exhibit micro-aggression. I view it as a sign of fragility when people project their own insecurities onto others. We can analyze or reason this type of behavior in many ways. At the end of the day, this form of rhetoric is simply hate-speech.
Where are you from?
If I had a dollar for every time I get asked that question, I would have quite a few dollars.
Another perk of being “yellow” (and people of color in general) is the question: Where are you from? There was a time (when I was younger) when this question didn’t bother me. It was not until I realized the implications behind it that I began hating this question. Whether this question was asked by strangers, acquaintances, or friends has always given me anxiety. My internal conflict is still to decide whether I tell that person my truth or provide them with an answer that they wanted to hear. But regardless of the response, I always felt like I’m being interrogated about my identity. I was not born in this country, but I grew up in California, and all I’ve known is living in San Francisco. So why does it feel so wrong when I tell people I’m from California? Why are people never satisfied with my response? Why am I questioned for my truth and made to feel that I didn’t belong? Everyone just wants me to say I’m from China because that helps them confirm what they see. They see an Asian American boy with yellow skin, so they are just dying to label me with some east Asian country. Don’t get me wrong, many have never questioned my answer. But the negative implications behind that question has become a permanent scar in my heart. When others look at me, they’ve already made up their minds about me. I am inevitably labeled with every Asian stereotype out there, and I never have a choice or say. When your own identity is shaped and determined by others and that your skin color is used against you, that is racism. How am I supposed to be patriotic towards a country that has continuously reminded me that I did not belong?
Made In China
Unapologetically Asian
By this point, you’re probably thinking Asians don’t have it as bad as other minority groups. You would be right to some degree. Asian Americans are not persecuted to the same degree or blatantly murdered by police officers. But why are we comparing and vilifying people of color against each other in the first place? Systemic racism doesn’t change by putting down one group of minorities and glorifying another group of minorities. So this is where I want to address the folly belief of model minority. Asian Americans are often advertised as smart, successful, and obedient. We are made to be the success story of American minority groups. But here’s the thing: the model minority idea is nothing more than a glorified tool for white people to be racist towards other people of color. Let’s cut the bullshit America. Don’t think we forgot about the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 or the Japanese internment camps during WW2. Like come on, white America, you really think it was okay to put Japanese Americans in internment camps? You know German people were living in America at that time too, right? Well, guess what, they were white so no concentration camps for them (I am by no means advocating for any form of internment camps towards any human being). Okay, back to the idea of the model minority. This model not only hurts other minority groups, but it affects Asian Americans too. Not every Asian American is a success story, and certainly, not everyone is smart and intelligent at everything. I’m terrible at math! If you don’t fit in that box of the model minority, you fail as an Asian American.
It’s not over just yet, there are more folks. As if all this wasn’t enough of a challenge for Asian Americans, I constantly juggled between living in white America and internalizing traditional Chinese values. There are often many mixed signals growing up as to how I should act or behave in front of others. From a young age, my parents would always tell me to look up to white people, act like white people, and talk like white people. White was right. My parents believed that acting white and sounding white was the only way to be accepted and be successful in society; they’re not wrong. But at home, I’m was taught to uphold traditional Chinese values, such as focusing only on studying, getting good grades, and be a loyal child to the family. Boy, oh boy, growing up was undoubtedly enigmatic, and my parents did not understand the dilemma. How am I supposed to behave white and act Chinese? All my Asian friends growing up were very American, just like all the other kids. So growing up, I was very in tune with being a regular American kid. But at home, I was expected to be a Chinese kid. Living this double life inevitably created an identity crisis, and I’ve struggled with it even today. Truth be told, most days, I don’t really know who I am or where I belong.
This post wasn’t meant to cover all basis of racism since that would be nearly impossible. I can only tell you my truth and struggles growing up in America as an Asian American. If you’re an Asian American reading this, I hope some of the things I talked about resonated with you and know that you’re not alone. If you’re not an Asian American, I hope that this post can give you some insights on being Asian in America. In either case, I just want us to start questioning our own unconscious biases towards people of color. It’s painful, and it sucks, but it is something we simply have to do.
Until next time!